My Next Land Rover...

...will be bog-basic, old and battered, a short-wheel-base beast that I've rescued from neglect and taken home to love. It will look like it's about to fall apart, but the engine will be completely sorted and ticking over beautifully. It will probably have a dashboard filled with water bottles, bits of string, an odd bolt or two and tree-rings of dust from the places I've been lately. I might deign to take a hosepipe to it once a year to find out what colour the paint is. It may have enough seats for passengers, or you may just need to hold on tight wherever you find a place for your butt. I'll think nothing of throwing a surfboard, a load of compost, a few dogs or some rescued wood in the back - the paintwork won't matter, nor will sand, dirt or dog-slobber. It may not have a roof. It may only just conform to roadworthy standards. It will definitely be a working vehicle that won't be afraid to go play in the mud. I'll love driving it, in spite of the need to keep a dry change of clothes and a towel handy in winter, simply because it's a Landy.

OR

...will be a Defender 90, smart as a button, perhaps in black or gunmetal grey. No leaks, no major rattles, and the luxury of hearing a radio over engine noise. It will probably have carpets and properly upholstered seats. It may be pimped (just a little - OK, enough to make a statement). It will be capable of going offroad whenever it wants to - but will generally serve as a comfortable daily ride. My son and his friends will fit in on proper seats with working seatbelts, and not get their clothes dirty during the ride or be unable to hold a conversation. It will handle hills in style and make a statement in traffic. It will not break down regularly, and I will not get into it with an adrenalin-induced fear of the unkown before every trip. I will be able to go out in it wearing evening dress or working clothes. It may have a dog-guard (and carpet protectors). It might even have aircon and central locking. It may or may not have flames down the side :-) I'll love driving it, simply because it's a Landy.

And Olivia? Olivia's part of the family. She stays, regardless.